how to avoid suffering and self-sacrifice – Salekhard and YNAO News – Vesti. Yamal. Current news of Yamal

Dating, relationships, family life – these are often the most discussed topics. And it is not surprising that there are a huge number of myths about love. Many believe them, which leads to disappointment, doubt and suffering.

1. True love is love at first sight

If you believe romantic films, poets, then the strongest and love is love at first sight. Among hundreds of people, a man was able to find his soul mate. However, scientists disagree. Anthropologist Helen Fisher has spent nearly 30 years trying to find out how people fall in love.

It turns out that 3 minutes is enough for the feeling to appear. This is how long it takes to realize if you are ready to have offspring with this person. But we are not talking about spiritual values, kinship of souls, similar hobbies, but only about whether the other person is attractive to a partner.

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The body of one responds to the body of the other, to voice, posture, smell, height and weight. If everything is as it should be, hormones are released into the blood.

Each person has a certain template, he imagines his future spouse in advance: his appearance, demeanor, profession, etc. Everyone carries this image in his unconscious.

But as soon as he sees a person that somehow resembles this template, the feeling of being in love makes itself felt. And again, we do not have time to recognize the object of our love, we only react to his figure, posture, appearance, the impression that he makes.

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We can say that love at first sight is interest, that very “chemistry”, a hormonal explosion.

It is biology-based love, and love is a more complex feeling that matures without any psychological problems. It includes common interests and a desire to take care of each other, mutual respect, and much more.

2. Relationships do not exist at a distance.

Many are sure that long-term separation can destroy any relationship, there is even such a saying: “out of sight, out of mind.” But if we are talking not just about falling in love, but about serious relationships, for example, marital, then this rule does not apply. The husband can work on a rotational basis, often go on business trips, but this does not affect his feelings.

Long distance relationships are a challenge, but they can also be real, fulfilling, if:

  • the partner tries to use every opportunity to see his soul mate, constantly calls or writes;
  • seeks to get to know a person as a person;
  • shows interest in the daily activities of the spouse, in his environment;
  • demonstrates respect, does not impose his views and beliefs;
  • ready to support in difficult moments of life, in difficult situations.

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If all these signs are present, this suggests that love can be real, and it is not afraid of hundreds of kilometers separating lovers.

3. Self-sacrifice and self-denial – the highest manifestation of love

Psychologists are sure that this is one of the most dangerous myths. We are talking about neurotic marriages, where one person takes on the role of the victim, and the other has to become the executioner.

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In a neurotic relationship, a person is either completely dependent on a partner, is afraid of being left without him, or he lacks feelings, sensations that he is used to experiencing next to his spouse.

Typically, the template for such a relationship is laid in childhood, it is based on relationships with parents. If there were problems in early childhood, then in adulthood there will be a lot of suffering and pain.

The very self-sacrifice or the role of the victim makes a person unhappy, he lacks attention and love, the connection is built on suffering. But the victim likes all this, she is ready to endure for the sake of the emotions that she receives in such a relationship. They are like a drug to her.

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Neurotics often attract their own kind. After a short euphoria, the appearance of dependence on the object, a new period begins – resentment, disappointment, quarrels, accusations of insensitivity. Both lovers experience pain, a feeling of abandonment, uselessness, as in childhood, and cannot receive tenderness, love and care.

Neurotic relationships are saturated with pain and suffering, women often devalue men, but they never leave them, trying to find an excuse for their actions. Why do so many choose this kind of relationship? Because this is normal for them, they are used to living in suffering, they are used to experiencing the same feelings as children.

And just as a 5-year-old child cannot leave a parent, so an adult woman cannot find the strength to leave her spouse. And in vain, neurotic relationships are mental degradation, while true love, on the contrary, contributes to the development of partners, gives harmony and happiness.

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Of course, these are not all love myths. Too many of them. But, before trusting any judgment, theory, it is worth reading what psychologists and scientists write about it. Hundreds of people have dealt with the problems of love, they are always relevant, and the answers to many questions have not yet been found.

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