How to communicate with the military upon returning home: a psychologist explains

The war has changed Ukrainian family life: now most women are forced to take over the duties of both mom and dad if a man serves at the front, and vice versa. But how in such conditions not to lose understanding of each other and maintain love?

Psychologist and sexologist will tell about it Julia Chala.

– The first thing every woman who is waiting for a man from the front should remember is that fighters go through different situations in war. Therefore, the first thing they will need in a peaceful life is a guarantee of security.

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The brain of the military after the experience perceives the world around us differently. Any loud noises will be a signal to look for a safe place to hide. But even absolute silence cannot completely relax: the brain has no landmarks that would show it a safe or dangerous picture.

In a peaceful life, such behavior can frighten, alarm and annoy. But it is worth understanding the main thing – this is how a person shows his care and love for his beloved.

The same distrust is also spoken of towards close people, and it also should not be immediately perceived as alienation. It’s just that the military no longer trust words, they need actions, they need to show that they can trust this or that person.

Life after the war

The main rule in military realities is to follow orders accurately, quickly, sometimes at the cost of one’s own life. In civilian life, it’s not like that: you do something if you want it. Often it is on such disagreements in the views of the couple that quarrels arise.

– After the experience, the military may demand the fulfillment of certain requests, and one must understand the nature of such reactions. It is better that such a rule works both ways, but it is worth talking about it frankly.

And most importantly: if a couple has children, you should definitely talk to them about why dad / mom became like that. Help to establish communication between them.

It is also important to establish decision-making in the family, because in the army the order is different from peaceful everyday life: if at the front the decision is made by the senior in rank, then in the family – by common efforts. Returning to civilian life requires restructuring, development, the ability to listen and hear other people, while appreciating your confidence and perseverance.

Military psychology


– The main rule: do not make sudden and unexpected actions. Don’t approach from behind, don’t touch without warning, don’t call attention to yourself too harshly. It is important to inform children about the same rule.

Behavior after the war

It is difficult for civilians to understand why the military, even in civilian life, changes plans so often. But it is precisely this tactic that ensures life at the front: to act quickly, unpredictably. Learn not to be too picky about it, but surround your loved one with care and a safe environment.

The military often controls their emotions so as not to harm their loved ones. You should not interpret such behavior as closeness or detachment, because this is a defense mechanism.

The military can learn to show their emotions again only after rehabilitation. As well as talking about the war.

After all, events at the front are sometimes difficult even to comprehend by reason. Talking about it to everyone who is interested is irritating and difficult.

– Do not ask and do not put pressure on your loved one, just make it clear that it is safe next to you and you are ready (s) to come to the rescue when you are asked.

We talked in more detail about how to talk with the military and how to prepare the house for their return in the previous article.

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