Many fairy tales end with the phrase “and they lived happily ever after.” However, sometimes family love passes. How to return feelings? Should they be returned? TengriMIX has compiled a selection of recommendations on how to try to return family love and whether the game is worth the candle.
There are many signs that your relationship is cracking. Let’s list some of them.
- You don’t talk to each other anymore. Perhaps you still exchange phrases about household chores or report to each other about purchases, expenses and raising a child (children). But you no longer talk to each other, do not share emotions and experiences.
- You constantly quarrel. If the conversation happens, then imperceptibly it flows into an argument, which is then interrupted by cold silence. And with a new attempt to talk – again a quarrel.
- you dream of something different. And do not support each other in development. For example, you still dream of changing your profession and you need his support, but he is not ready to risk an established life and asks you to postpone your goals for someday. Or do you dream of opening your own business, you already have achievements, but she does not believe in them.
- Your habits don’t match. And you can’t take it anymore. During the period of falling in love, it seemed cute to you or her that there was a creative mess around, that the partner lives in the rhythm of chaos. But today, some of you can no longer do this and dream of changing his/her habits, retraining your partner.
- You can’t be together for more than an hour. You have been sleeping in different rooms for a long time and intersect for a couple of minutes in the morning and evening, living together, as if out of habit.
Of course, there is no universal recipe for the revival of feelings. However, if you value this relationship, feel the potential in it, then it might be worth a try.
Figure out what you don’t like about your relationship
First, determine what specifically you do not like in your relationship. Try to come up with a specific list, maybe even point by point, to sort out your emotions. Then you should think about what you want to get as a result of the changes. For example, you are tired of doing all the housework alone (alone), try to understand what responsibilities your spouse (s) can take on, try to explain and agree.
Find out if you’re ready to start a new relationship
Before you start trying to save your relationship, you need to decide if you really want it. Are you ready to fight and work together with your spouse to restore your marital love. If you really value your relationship and feel that it can still be saved, that you or he (she) can forgive each other for past mistakes, that you or he (she) will not reproach and remember them in further conversations, then worth a try.
Stop avoiding conversation
In many ways, communication difficulties arise when communication disappears in a couple. If the relationship has turned into a “deaf phone”, then maybe it’s worth laying new wires? Sit opposite each other and try to talk. Perhaps at first each of you should speak out and take literally water in your mouth so as not to scream and switch to raised tones again. Listen to each other. And then try to write a list of complaints to each other and see if you can work on them together or not. Will you be able to restore family love together. When discussing pain points, avoid using phrases such as “You’re wrong/right.” Talk about your inner – “It was unpleasant for me, it hurt. It hurt me.” Thus, the discussion will not look like a reproach.
Photo credit: geralt/pixabay
Go to see a psychologist together
If such a conversation together without outside help is difficult to imagine, then perhaps you should turn to professionals? To psychologists (psychotherapists) who will work out your story precisely. Yes, maybe it will be difficult to decide to go to the first appointment, it will be embarrassing what people will think, what will they say? But try to keep this story between the two of you, and then there will be no unnecessary talk. And try to gather inner courage and go there in the name of preserving your family love.
Stop blaming each other
It is also important to try not to remember old grievances, not to blame each other, not to throw harsh phrases, but to try to let go of the past, if possible. During the time spent together, you managed to find out a lot of each other’s weaknesses, and in moments of disputes, quarrels, you can hurt with words. Mutual accusations will only undermine your relationship even more, and you and your partner are set to revive feelings.
Review your speech habits
At the beginning of a relationship, many come up with funny nicknames, code words and phrases for each other – your language of family love. But over the years, affectionate words and compliments can amazingly transform into offensive nicknames and curses. Conduct a mental experiment and for the 21st day, say only good things about your partner behind your eyes and in your eyes. Perhaps internal aggression towards your spouse will sink in a new format of communication and family love will return to your home.
Photo from: kaboompics / pixabay
Take a break
Sometimes it pays to separate physically from each other, such as going on separate vacations, to get a feel for whether you need this relationship or not. Worth fighting for them or not. Away from each other, you can reconsider your relationship. The main thing is not to take too long a pause, because, perhaps, you will not find the way back to each other.
Try going on an unusual date
Try to go back to the moment you met, then both of you probably wanted to pleasantly surprise each other. If you still have hope for the return of family love, then start creating new pleasant, warm memories together. If it’s still difficult to go on a long-awaited vacation, then why not go to some kind of master class together. For example, make a jug together at a pottery lesson or draw at art therapy. Yes, perhaps this will seem stupid to someone, but is it worth giving such a joint work a chance?
UserBot / pixabay
Try something new in sports together
Have you always dreamed of riding an e-scooter or skateboard, but it seemed that you were already too old for this? Or, perhaps, you dreamed of riding bicycles together, but the bustle of life distracted you? Why not try it together today? Suddenly, you will be able to create a lot of new experiences and you will exhale the stress that has accumulated over the years. A joint trip to the gym, if you have not been there together, is also an opportunity to reboot.
Photo from: 6689062/pixabay
Accumulate positive emotions and impressions
You can try to create your own inner chest of good emotions and turn to it when you want to start a quarrel or not listen to your partner again. Accumulate cool impressions, events in life so that you can stop yourself in time during a period of irritation. Is the fluttering phrase of a spoiled evening worth it now, or maybe it’s worth trying to reformulate your words? If you really want to criticize, then maybe you will try to write a letter with complaints and pour out your feelings on paper? And then, after analyzing what exactly you don’t like, try to present it gently and with options for solutions.
Photo from: 8777334/pixabay
Unfortunately, there are no magic spells or magic wands that will do the work for you on a relationship. After all, a harmonious, healthy relationship is always about two people, about how each of you at certain moments of life gives in somewhere, somewhere learns to see a partner in a new way, somewhere finds a compromise in the name of preserving family love.